We have all been here, we are catching up with a friend and asking how things are. Expecting to hear the typical “great” we instead catch them at a moment of need and they share with us some horrible tragedy in their life. It could be anything… the passing of a parent, spouse or child, a severe illness or more prevalent recently the loss of a job and or a home. What do we say? How can we help them?

Often we try to think of something helpful. Some way to give them a piece of advice or some profound saying or encouraging word. Some people have been through something similar and will say they know just what you are going through, or respond autobiographically (my mom just died… I’m sorry, my mom died last Christmas and it took forever to get over it, in fact I don’t know if you ever get over it, etc, etc, etc). Many Christians will dig into their bag of verses or will attempt to explain why God allows this stuff to happen. This is when the classics come out… “God is preparing you for something even greater”, “It is all part of God’s plan”, “This too will pass”, etc.

Bottom line is that you feel horrible and maybe a little uncomfortable and are trying to come up with something that will help. Let me suggest this, two simple words…

“That Sucks”

Think about it. Think about a time when you have been in that situation. Scared, hurting, broken inside and you share that with someone else only to have them explain why you shouldn’t be, or what you should do about it, or how it won’t last long, when all you really want is for someone to acknowledge that you are going through a mess, someone to tell you that it just sucks.

There is time for the help and the commiseration later, explaining to them how you got through your own ordeal or offering encouragement, but we have to start by acknowledging the tragedy.

Just to clarify, I believe that God does use the crappy things that happen in this life for good, but I don’t believe he causes them. What good could come from this stuff? I don’t even pretend that I understand how He thinks or what His plan is, but I can tell you a few things that I have seen.

When we found out that Emily would be born with a birth defect (spina bifida) we were devastated. I personally felt sorry for myself that I would not have a “normal” child, and then sorry for Emily, that she would have to deal with this her whole life and I was mad at God for allowing this to happen. Fast forward 3 months to Emily’s birth and extended stay in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) and the day we met the Liebelts. They had just found out that their unborn daughter also had spina bifida and were told by the Dr that there was not much hope and they should consider terminating the pregnancy. An aunt happened to be a NICU nurse who was helping with Emily and asked us if we would be willing to talk with them. We spent the next hour or so looking through pictures and answering their questions. Now 7 years later our daughters are best friends and Triann and Lex talk at least weekly.

This silly blog is another example. I would never have put this together if I hadn’t been so ready to explode from all of the crap with Triann and cancer that I had to find an outlet. I have heard over and over that my silly ramblings have been encouraging to others that are going through their own garbage. Is it because I am a brilliant writer, stunning people with my amazing prose? Absolutely not, it is God using our tragedy to help others. I am just proud to be in the middle of it.

I’ll wrap it up… I am not a shrink, and certainly not a genius, but from personal experience and through talking with others that have also been through some junk (who hasn’t?) I know that sometimes life sucks.

The next time someone shares with you about their current tragedy, stop and consider before you respond, maybe “that sucks” is all they need to hear.

E