I can remember walking on the beach as a kid. The beach in the Northwest is a little different than southern or tropical beaches, kind of a rough sand and incredibly cold. It had to be a very hot day, or you had to be very young to want to get in the water. . If you have never been to an ocean beach before it is a pretty amazing sight, it was the only place I had ever been as a kid where you could see forever, nothing but blue water until it disappeared into the clouds. The mountains and trees in Washington prevented that type of view anywhere else that I had been.

I don’t think I have ever actually swam in the ocean but we did play in the surf. The sand changed from dry to wet as you approached the tide line, you would walk barefoot now in the wet sand until you reached the edge of the water. There isn’t really an “edge” like you would have in a lake or river because the waves would push up and down the beach bringing the water to your feet, then pulling it back 15 or 20 feet only to be replaced by the water from the next wave. Back and forth. Quite mesmerizing if you took the time to just watch it.

Walking farther down the beach you could stand in the surf itself. Just enough water to cover you feet and now the water would push past you 15 or 20 feet up the beach. You could actually loose your sense of balance by looking at your feet. The water moving in and out over your feet could trick your head into thinking you were falling and your body would overcompensate and make you lean forward. Standing here long enough would dig your feet into the sand as well The water pushed the sand in and out with the waves actually rearranging every part of the beach except the 2 foot sized pieces you were standing on, again quite mesmerizing.

Walking in until the water was waist deep required commitment. Until this point you could get away with rolling your pants up but once you passed your knees there were no promises you would have a dry seat, and did I already mention the water was cold? Here you could start to experience the waves themselves. Not big waves at this depth but small rollers that would raise the water level 6 to 18 inches. So standing there waste high could result in a wet chest, but your head was still above the water at all times. This is where you would start to appreciate the power of the ocean. The waves coming in would push you back and then continue onto the beach (up to the tide line) the rest of the story is that all that water came back into the ocean and would pull at your legs with incredible power. Pretty amazing to feel the surface water pushing you toward the beach while the undertow is pulling you out to sea at the same time.

The next step, and about the last that I have ever taken, is to walk in neck deep. At this depth the waves are still not as big as what you can see farther out, but will rise 2-3 feet above your head. Depending on the seas (distance between the waves) it may be 5 -60 seconds between waves and you can see them coming. It is amazing and frightening to see tons of water racing towards you. Right before the wave hits your body tenses up and leans towards the wave involuntarily. When the wave passes over you it takes all the strength you have to keep standing upright and at this point you are 3 feet underwater. Depending on the size of the wave it may be a number of seconds until it passes and you can breath again. As long as you see the wave coming, have fairly good footing and lead with your head and arms almost like you were diving you are fine. You can prepare and survive even with tons of water engulfing you.

However, if you loose your balance things can get hairy pretty quickly. The wave coming in will lay you down like a board, and the undertow will quickly scoot you out to sea 20 feet or more. This quickly changes the situation from neck deep to way under water. Until you fight your way back up to the surface you are at the mercy of the undertow. When you get to the surface you still have to work with the waves that are now getting higher depending on how much farther you are from the shore. The situation can go downhill fast.

+ We are supposed to report to MD Anderson in Houston on Monday. I have been living on 6 dollars since last wed and most of the check on Friday will go to rent. I have to pay for gas, food, hotel and Dr bills next week and then hold on until the next check on the 15th.
+ My motorcycle is my main transportation, I had to park it last night until some of this clears up so I can buy a new rear tire. I picked up 5 (5?!?!) nails the first week I moved to Texas and have been watching it and airing it up as needed, yesterday it lost almost all of its air before I made it home.
+ I fired up my snow car (the car I use only for days I can’t ride the bike). It has 207,000 miles on it but has always gotten me from here to there when I need it. It was out of gas, I spent the last 6 dollars to get to work this morning.
+ My annual evaluation is due at work. I have to sit down and focus long enough to write out my accomplishments for the year, my career plans, strengths and opportunities and a summary statement. All of this effects raises, promotions and bonus.
+ My wife is sick, my kids are confused, there are different people in my house every week… On and On and On

It seems as if I have been walking slowly into the water recently, holding my footing as the undertow pulls at me, but unable to stop working my way farther into the sea. The water line has been slowly moving up and it feels as if it is neck deep or higher. As wave after wave crashes over me I am being pounded by tons of water. If I hold my footing by trusting that He is in control of all of this I stay upright, but every time I loose faith the wave knocks me back and I am swept farther out, fighting my way through the crashing waves to the point where I can put my head above the water and try to get my footing back.

I don’t know when I will be able to walk out of the water all together, maybe never on this side of heaven. I do know that I better learn to let go and Let Him hold me up against these waves or I will need a set of gills soon.

Eric